hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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