watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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