I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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