I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize