if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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