so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize