and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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