weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
