Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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