there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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