Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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