The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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