She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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