he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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