I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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