It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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