if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A bitchslap is in order.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
