I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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