I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
