Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
