I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
