You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This baby is an asshole
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
