I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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