I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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