...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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