My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
