I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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