I just gift wrapped bread.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
