but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
