I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
