I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize