I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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