ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
