He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
