I want to walk on stilts...naked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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