I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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