Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
