Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
