I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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