I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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