Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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