Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
