Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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