i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
