I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
