erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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