the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
