i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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