a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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