He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
