I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
