when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize