I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
