Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
