I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
