I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
