DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
