he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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