piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
