Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
