i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
