conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
