I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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