By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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