I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
