Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
