we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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