I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this boner is exhausting
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
