I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
