You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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