How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
