I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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