she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
