my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
