He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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