Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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