I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
