No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
