im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
