So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
