go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
