I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
