i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
