You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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