just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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