she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It all started with a game of naked twister.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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