the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
