Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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