i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
