Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
