I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
