well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize