Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
