My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
