Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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