Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize