I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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