i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
