Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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