I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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