who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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