We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
