wanna go halves on a baby?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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