I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
