Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
