Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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