he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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