Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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