i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
