dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
