I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize