real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
