and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
