i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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