Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize