you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
