that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize