Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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