Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
