I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
