So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm passing your future prison.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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